I've been secretly dating my boyfriend for 2 years due to my strict parents and sister, consistently lying successfully because I've known he was "The One" since I was 14. AMA!

Colleen Sunagawa
May 14, 2017

My father especially hates, yes hated this boy. And I loved him. Still do. I'm not proud of it, but I have to lie in split seconds to prevent any suspicions. Ask about this or my "love story", and no I didn't steal it from a movie plot!


Colleen Kyan Manning says:

This AMA will end May 14, 2017 4PM EDT

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Do you live nearby one another?

May 14, 3:32PM EDT0

Are you on Instagram, snapchat?

May 14, 1:22PM EDT1

I am! 

May 14, 1:55PM EDT0

Have you been kissed before meeting your boyfriend? Thanks.

May 14, 12:06PM EDT2

I had, but I don't count it anymore. I was about 7 and in a game of truth or dare on my birthday. I didn't want to but was dared to kiss a boy I had a crush on. Soon after I did, I left the game and regretted it. It was only a peck and that was the only time before I met my boyfriend.

May 14, 12:37PM EDT1

Really don't count haha

May 14, 1:14PM EDT0

How did you know this was a true love?

May 14, 11:36AM EDT1

Because I could tell him anything and he also told me things I'd never told anyone. Because he was kind to me no matter what. Because he made time for me, and I always wanted him beside me. Because I loved talking to him and because his imperfections made him even more perfect to me. Because we had so much in common. Because it hurt so much when we didn't talk. Because he waited like he promised.

May 14, 12:25PM EDT0
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What does your boyfriend do that makes you smile?

May 14, 11:20AM EDT2

Everything. Everything he does is so sweet or funny, his facial expressions, the way he looks at me, how he can make a joke out of anything, the way he always wants to hold onto my waist or hand or shoulder, I could go on... just everything about him.

May 14, 12:22PM EDT0

Are you going to get a tattoo for him one day? Is he going to get one for you?;)

May 14, 10:48AM EDT2

We've talked about tattoos, he used to be against them but now wants one or two small ones, and I want one, with a symbol that most other people would see as "pretty" that has a meaning for us both.

May 14, 12:19PM EDT1
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Do you have some more pictures of you two together? It's really a lovely picture you posted!

May 14, 10:44AM EDT2

Thank you! I do have some from 2015 but I have to figure out how to upload them. My device doesn't seem to want to attach them.

May 14, 12:26PM EDT1

What are some things he does that piss you off or just irritate you? must be something (or not!)

May 14, 10:39AM EDT1

Hmm... have to think about this one... This doesn't quite piss me off but we've had a couple doscussions over a friend of mine, he doesn't like that she gets irritated by "third-wheeling" and I can understand her position. That's the only thing I can think of!

May 14, 12:03PM EDT1
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What songs do you listen to? love songs?

May 14, 10:27AM EDT2

I have an extremely broad range of music tastes. Some people would ask do I let my friends download music on my phone because the styles were so contrasting. Some songs I like are: 

Missio - I Run To You

Bruno Mars - It Will Rain

Isaiah Firebrace - Don't Come Easy

Cheatcodes x Dante Klein - Let Me Hold You

Marian Hill - Deep

Quinn XCLL - FFYL (Tarro Remix)

Mura Masa - Firefly

Ebony Day - Somebody Else

Tedy - Lost & Found

Griffin Stoller - The Things You Do

Bring Me The Horizon

May 14, 12:33PM EDT1
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Have you experienced a broken heart yet?

May 14, 10:01AM EDT2

Strangely, yes. After a misunderstanding over texts, we both though the other had "moved on". And we didn't know the other was feeling just as bad. I cried each night, would open up his chat screen and contemplate writing a message. I'd read back over old screenshots and with everything else going on at home, and my parents not believing what I said, my father calling me some awful things and stating I had lost my virginity when we barely kissed, even some physical harm was done. My doctor sent me to a counsellor and said she thought I was depresse... I even had suicidal thoughts. But a plan for the future of possibly being with my boyfriend again was the only thing that kept me going. And my friends, but I barely saw them as I was grounded and had no phone (i found an old one and hid it) and was even withdrawn from school at one point. Yeah, things were really bad then, and I would consider myself in that time as "broken hearted". But it's all better now.. as long as my parents don't find out!

May 14, 10:17AM EDT1

Do you ever get into fights and of yes, what about?

May 14, 9:43AM EDT1

Only once... kind of, once on my part, because I got upset at the fact he went for a walk without his phone to calm down after hearing his close friend was texting me in an inappropriate way, and I misinterpreted this as him ignoring me and blaming me. I was so wrong. As soon as he got back and saw I was sad/upset he apologised for leaving but didn't want to say anything bad in the moment. We haven't had proper fights but fake ones come from him saying "I love you... more", refusing to let me pay for my own things if he's with me, from me refusing to take his jacket when I'm shivering so he has to chase me and hold it around me. Those are just jokes but we haven't ever had a proper Fight because I don't get angry with him, just sad and it's the same on his side I think.

May 14, 9:56AM EDT0

What do you want to do when you grow up?

May 14, 5:08AM EDT2

Ah, I've been asked this a lot recently. If I'd like to go to a univeristy abroad I have to notify my school within the next two weeks, and I have no idea! I'd love a career involving art, people, or writing. Most people recommend secondary school art teacher, but I'm not sure. 

Is it bad I've planned all my future holidays before my future career? I've planned all the places I'll go with my boyfriend and I still need to choose what I want to do for the other part of my life! Okay, my final answer is; I have no idea.

May 14, 9:49AM EDT1
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What kind of challenges you have in your relationship other than your parents?

May 14, 3:52AM EDT1

Nothing, really. I feel as though having to keep our relationship a secret has dwarfed any other problems we would have had. A couple of times, I got scared, I thought my parents would find out and I told him I wanted to break up, and then we could be together in a year, when I graduate and move out. But each time he would ask why, and say he could wait but why can't we talk about it, he'd continue to call me his nicknames and would still say I love you before bed, and he'd cry with me on phonecalls, until the next day I'd realise that I was being ridiculous, apologise, and cry. The only problems we've had, have sprouted from the secrecy, and other than that I don't think there have been any.

May 14, 9:42AM EDT1
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Was it love at first sight?

May 14, 2:48AM EDT2

Nope! I had seen him before I met him but had just recognised him as "that kid with long hair", when I did meet him properly, he had had a haircut and it was his humour and easygoing personality thay made me love him.

May 14, 9:34AM EDT1
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Do you think its ok for young girls to go with older boys? How old is too old?

May 14, 1:25AM EDT1

Well, that depends... I feel if it's an age gap over 2 years in young teens (13-16) it seems a little inappropriate, but in some cases an exception. My boyfriend is about 1.5 years older but our ages were never taken as inappropriate to our peers. Wheb I first met him and realised I liked him, I did feel uneasy about the age gap, but at the same time our group of friends were 13-18 and nothing clandestine would happen in it. (eg. no smoking, drinking etc) However, if he were 2 years oldee, I would have probably "friend-zoned" him. In later life, age is hardly an issue but in most cases of teen couples, young girls shouldn't be with boys much older than themselves, in fear of being taken advantage of (in my opinion!).

May 14, 9:31AM EDT0
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If you wrote your own book about forbidden love, how would it start, and end?

May 13, 11:43PM EDT2

Actually, I did plan to write a novel based on this but twisted, if it were a novel, with a slightly different plot. It may start like this: 

Moving house, I've done it dozens of times... I'm still not used to it. I don't know how to act, how to feel, how to adapt. first days in school are the hardest, sometimes everyone is friendly... But then again, sometimes they're not. Most of the time they follow an order; The girls are eager to meet the 'new kid' and the boys stand cautiously at a distance, whispering about the alien species that just arrived in their school. That is mainly true, exempting the bolder males that fearlessly attempt to flirt, or at least get on a first name basis. A while goes by and I've already taken the role of the stereotypical smart asian with inadequate people skills, and its too late to show my true colours. I stay glued in that role at every new school.. And then a few months later I do it all over again.   Every time; the teachers ask my name and ask again the day after. Every time; the popular girls try to convert me to their makeup worshipping cult and then realise I'm "no fun". Every time; I don't fit in... and repeat.

This time; I told myself it would be different. This time I could feel it. This time wouldn't be the same as always. This time would change.

May 14, 10:01AM EDT1
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Do you understand why your parents are not approving your love?

May 13, 8:22PM EDT1

Partially, my mother at first was understanding and said "I don't know how it feels to fall in love young, so I can't say it's wrong", but because her English is basic, she believed my father's interpretations of our messages. My father has always been the controlling type and during mt 'punishment period' it strangely felt as if I was being accused of cheating on him. Other than that, the only reason my mother objected was her religion and soon after my father jumped to her opinion too and sent me to a few religious camps. So, no I don't really understand why.

May 14, 9:23AM EDT1

Do you see yourself marry this boy one day, have a family together?

May 13, 3:28PM EDT1

... Yes. Honestly, it's all I want. The family part, not so much because the idea of pregnancy scares both of us, but since we met, even before he asked me out he would joke and say "I'm marrying you" because we shared unusal childhood foods and i could unwrap a lollipop. After though, he would say it seriously, and we have even discussed who would be invited to our wedding eg. would my father be invited? He even told me he started to work ridiculous hours on a construction sie (with awful pay) for a promise ring. I will never give this boy up. 

May 13, 4:27PM EDT1
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What if your parents find out you lied?

May 13, 1:33PM EDT1

Then I die. 

Before, when my sister was supportive, we had only been together a couple of months, and after their discovery I was grounded for 180 days with no phone and no "privileges", even being searched before going to bed. I no longer had my own bedroom or allowed to go to school without my sister. I was subject to emotional and verbal abuse and the rest is a little more personal to mention, sorry!

May 13, 1:46PM EDT1
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There must be something to the fact you feel you have to hide your love.. do you think this makes it even more exciting and fun?

May 13, 1:12PM EDT1

I do, a couple of times while I was talking to him, pure luck has saved me from not being caught. But in the moment, it's frightening yet also the adrenaline is there.

May 13, 1:42PM EDT1
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