Hi, I'm Michelle a Relationship Therapist for Single Professional Women who want a loving committed relationship or marriage. I'm also the author of Stop Dating The Wrong Men Now! Ask me anything about dating, wrong men, relationship issues...

Michelle Buffonge
Dec 2, 2017

I meet so many single professional women who say they want a loving committed relationship or marriage and my number one top tip is Stop Dating The Wrong Men Now!   

The majority of us have done it at some time in our lives. The trouble is, by the time you realise he's Mr Wrong , you're already heavily emotionally invested making it    difficult to walk away. So you stay, sometimes for years hoping he and your relationship will eventually change

I've  witnessed the emotional aftermath so often that it inspired me to write Stop Dating The Wrong Men Now!    which describes 9 different types of Mr Wrongs and how they show up so you can learn to recognise them sooner rather than later saving yourself time, pain and heartbreak. Available on  Amazon.com (click here)

My second top tip would be to explore the barriers that you have built against love which are playing against you in your quest for love. They can show up in a variety of ways such as giving people too much, being guarded, sabotaging good relationship, settling for less than you deserve and so on. These are usually the symptoms of an underlying barrier. 

Unfortunately, these barriers can be difficult to identify and overcome but they are fully functioning. I work with women to identify and overcome these barriers so they are more able to find, give, receive and keep the love they truly desire.

Email: michellebuffonge@alovething.co.uk


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How does being single in your 40's affect people's view on career goals versus family?

Dec 8, 10:51PM EST0

Do you think women today are equal to men or still far from being equal with men?

Dec 6, 12:03PM EST0

How best can a lady win her man's heart to forever?

Dec 3, 7:31PM EST0

Do you believe in the saying: women are from Venus, men from Mars?

Dec 3, 6:46PM EST0

The best way to curb down the number of divorcees is to strengthen the bond within a harmonious relationship?

Dec 3, 4:34AM EST0

In order to strengthen the bond factors such as communication, understanding, trust, acceptance, respect etc, are all vital. 

Marriage requires work by both parties and a willingness from each one to put the work in.

Each person may have different skills and some may not be strong in all areas. For example, plenty of people have trouble communicating their feelings, wants and needs which can create problems in marriages. In these situations I always suggest seeing a therapist who can help the individual and the couple to manage this effectively. I guess my point is, we don't always have the skills to create a harmonious marriage but help is available so please use it.

Dec 4, 6:58AM EST0

What is the best way for a woman to achieve a loving and real relationship?

Dec 3, 3:24AM EST0

What has been the most unforgettable and painful relationship for you?

Dec 3, 3:24AM EST0

I've had a few of those but without going into too much detail let's just say I've dated at least 7 out of the 9 Mr Wrongs in my ebook and had long term relationships with them too.

I've definitely suffered hearbreak, abandonment, rejection, infidelity, abuse, emotional rollercoasters, deception, disappointments...I could go on and on....

Dec 4, 6:31AM EST0

In your opinion, does LDR (long distance relationship) more complicated?

Dec 2, 8:45PM EST0

Long distance relationships can be complicated, they're not for everyone but that doesn't mean they can't work.

Good, regular communication, trust and transparency are vital for it to work as well as setting and agreeing on ground rules for your relationship so you both know what to expect.

In my opinion I do believe it is easier to maintain if the couple have had some time together not in a LDR especially in the beginning because it enables them to establish a strong foundation.

Like I said, it's not for everyone. So if you're the type of person who likes to depend on your partner or you rely on them to make you feel worthy and loved this may not be for you. 

Dec 4, 6:24AM EST0

What number of women have you helped ever since you started the business?

Dec 2, 5:58PM EST0

I'd say well over a hundred so far. It's difficult to give an exact figure because I work with women on a one to one basis and I also work with groups of women. 

Dec 4, 5:12AM EST0

How can a lady be assured that she has found the right man?

Dec 2, 3:49PM EST0

I would say it starts with her knowing what she wants from a man and a relationship. Once she knows what she is looking for she will recognise it when it arrives.

It may sound a bit basic but there are plenty of women who have never taken the time to look at what they want and end up settling for unfulfilling relationships. 

Dec 4, 5:01AM EST0

Do you also offer your services to men?

Dec 2, 8:41AM EST0

I have plenty of experience with working with men and although I specialise in working with women I do work with Men if I believe I can help them.

Feel free to contact me via email to see how I can help. michellebuffonge@alovething.co.uk

Dec 2, 1:36PM EST0

How can you guarantee that any single woman you're helping will be able to find love?

Dec 2, 6:14AM EST0

We both know there are very few guarantees in life but what I will say is I will definitely help you to identify and overcome obstacles that may be blocking you from finding, giving, receiving and keeping real love.

We unknowingly create barriers against love which can stem from our own experiences in relationships and relationships that we have witnessed growing up.

These barriers show up in different ways for each individual, so what may be blocking you may not be applicable to someone else. For example, you might give too much opening yourself up to be mistreated or you might be so guarded that you are unable to receive love. 

Past relationships play a massive role in the creation of these barriers because you make decisions about what you will and won't tolerate and what you give or hold back. You might compare the behaviour of a current partner to your ex or if you witness any signs of behaviour similar to an ex you may disregard the relationship without giving your current partner a chance to show you they are totally different to your ex.

These are only the symptoms which usually stem from a deeper issue. This is where I help to uncover and overcome these issues to get you to a place of recognising real love so you stop settling for undesirable relationships and you're more able to give and receive real love openly whilst also being able to protect yourself and your heart. 

For more information check my website www.alovething.co.uk or contact me via email for a FREE session to discover how I can help you michellebuffonge@alovething.co.uk.

Dec 2, 1:24PM EST0

How can we tell if men are for real or not?

Dec 1, 9:27PM EST0

Get to know him and look out for red flags.

Take your time to see what he is about. Ask questions and remain curious. (Don't interview him like he's applying for a job) Listen carefully to his answers and see if his actions back up his words.

How does he treat you? Are you a part of his life or are there parts of his life that you know nothing about. I worked with a women who had been in a relationship with a man for two years but she had never been to his home, she had no idea where he lived and he always gave excuses when she suggested visiting his home. For me this was a massive red flag and even though it bothered her at first she overcame this because of the love she said she felt for him. She eventually found out he was living with his wife and four children. This may sound a little extreme but the point is, pay attention to the red flags.

How does he see you in his future? For example, he says he wants to marry you but you are not a priority in his life. Pay attention to what he wants and does it align with what you want. 

My ebook will give you a good idea of the men to avoid and red flags to look for. Click here to get it on Amazon.com

Dec 2, 9:44AM EST0

How do women prevent the feeling of loneliness so as to avoid succumbing to wrong relationships?

Dec 1, 4:54PM EST0

Loneliness often stems from a lack of connection in your life. 

Connect to what you love and enjoy. So if you have a passion for something, do it. If you have an activity you enjoy, do it. 

Connect with people you love and enjoy spending time with. Sometimes this can be difficult as the friends you have may not be available to spend time with you due to family or work commitments or maybe you have very few friends or people in your life. If so, try your best to connect with others who enjoy the things you do. For example, if you enjoy dancing join a dance class, connect with people, make new connections, attend events etc. This might mean moving out of your comfort zone but it will be worth it.

It may sound a bit cliche but it allows you to have different experiences, you share your life with others and it provides you with a larger network of friends and support.

The danger of loving when you're lonely is you're more likely to accept or settle for undesirable relationships because the loneliness tricks you into thinking you need it or the person much more than you actually do.

Also, it's important to state that many men can detect a lonely woman quite quickly making it easy to take advantage of her or mistreat her if he is that way inclined.

Dec 2, 9:30AM EST0

Did you also have your fair share of difficulties in a relationship?

Dec 1, 3:24PM EST0

Oh yes. My ebook describes 9 types of Mr Wrongs and I'm sure I've dated at least 7 of them in the past. I've suffered heartbreak several times, held on to the wrong men for dear life, ridden on crazy emotional rollercoasters, settled for less than I deserve, I could go on.

I've experienced many difficulties and challenges in my own relationships and I've had to take a good look at what is going on with me and how 'my stuff' is contributing to the situation. When I say 'my stuff' I mean my baggage and barriers that I may have created against love, because we all have them.

These barriers play against us in our quest for love. These can show up in a variety of ways in your relationships, for instance you give too much, or you're highly guarded and give too little or you sabotage good relationships or you settle for undesirable relationships. However these barriers show up they are usually symptoms of a deeper issue and need to be explored and overcome so you're able to give and receive love more freely.

Once I realised I can only change myself and not others it reduced my frustrations immensely. I wanted changes and when I began to look at 'my stuff' I was able to make changes to my attitude, thoughts and behaviours and as a consequence of this people and partners also began to change how they responded towards me. My changes created opportunities for others to change.

Relationships began to improve, communication and respect improved. It's important to understand change starts with you first as it did with me and believe it is possible.

Dec 2, 7:35AM EST0

What is the best way for women to nurse broken hearts?

Dec 1, 3:07PM EST0

Nursing a broken heart can be one of the hardest things to do.

Firstly, I always say, be honest about the relationship. Sometimes when it ends we look at it through rose tinted glasses. Was it as wonderful as you remember? Did he really treat you the way you wanted to be treated? Was it the type of relationship you wanted? What didn't you like about it or him? Be honest.

Secondly, I suggest you feel whatever you need to feel, pain, joy, hurt, anger, take some time to feel the emotions. Cry if you need to, scream and shout if you need to (in private or do this in an open outdoor space). Feel your emotions but don't stay in this place for too long!!!

Next, forgive yourself and begin to love and nurture yourself through it. Be your best friend and treat yourself like a best friend would treat you. Do things you enjoy, treat yourself kindly, whether large or small treats it doesn't matter. It could be a lavish holiday or a long bath, as long as it's nuturing you that's all that matters.

Learn to love yourself and fill yourself with love that way you're not dependant on others for love. Enjoy you and your company.

Spend time with people you love and who love you such as family and friends.

Also try your best not to pick at old wounds or else they may not be able to heal as soon as they could. If this means not seeing or communicating with your ex for a while then I would strongly suggest it. If there are children involved and you have to see your ex try to make contact or communication as minimal as possible until you feel strong enough.

Dec 2, 7:01AM EST0

Do you think a compromise can greatly contribute to harmony in relationships?

Dec 1, 3:06PM EST0

I do believe in order to make a relationship a success it is essential for both parties to be willing to compromise. 

If one party is doing all the compromising the relationship will become unbalanced and the compromiser may eventually become resentful. If neither parties are prepared to compromise the relationship will become stuck and unpleasant.

There are some things that you may not want to compromise, such as your core values, your morals, beliefs etc. These are the things that are important to you and set a standard for your life. For example, if you have a strong faith or belief you may not want to change or compromise this as it's a major part of your life. In this case I would suggest being with someone with the same faith or belief.

Dec 2, 6:39AM EST0

What is your educational background or training which should render you a credible guru?

Dec 1, 3:04PM EST0

I initially started my training as a counsellor then decided to specialise in Relationships. I completed my Post Graduate Diploma in Relationship Therapy at the Relate Institute, previously known as the marriage guidance specialists, in conjunction with Hull University. 

Whilst studying I completed my clinical practice at Relate, where I worked with many couples, singles and individuals in relationships using various methods and theories to help them overcome a variety of difficulties.

I've worked with people from diverse backgrounds and different cultures. I understand the importance of difference, being non judgemental and appreciate the idea that we are all individuals with our own uniqueness.

I like to go beneath the surface with my clients as I realised quite early in my training that the presenting problem is usually a symptom of the real issue and I like to get to the root of the problem as this enables effective changes.

As well as my work with Relate I work privately with clients and having over seven years of experience I believe I have developed sufficient knowledge and skills to be able to call myself a 'guru' or something similar.☺️

Dec 2, 6:26AM EST0

What is onething that tells you that you are dating the wrong man?

Dec 1, 11:45AM EST0

It's important to have a clear idea of the type of man you want in you life. What qualities does he need to have? What core values should he possess? How will he treat you? What type of relationship is he ready for? Does he want the similar things to you?

Once you're clear about what you want it should be easier for you to identify Mr Wrong.

My ebook gives a clear description of 9 types of Mr Wrongs and how they show up, this will also help you to recognise them sooner rather than later.

Click here to get it on Amazon.com

Dec 2, 6:02AM EST0

Do you know any love language?

Dec 1, 3:51AM EST0

There are 5 different love languages. Everyone gives and receives love using these languages but we don't all have the same love language. Most people have one or two dominant languages.

1. Words of affirmation - encourage and affirm using words, ie sending unexpected notes or cards or saying encouraging and loving words.

2. Physical touch - using touch amd body language to show love, ie hugs, kisses, etc

3. Quality time - uninterrupted one to one time, creating special moments.

4. Acts of Service - helping to show you're partnerrd with them, ie doing chores together, going out of your way to help with their daily load.

5. Receiving gifts - giving thoughtful gifts and gestures whether big or small.

Hope this answers your question. If not, feel free to ask me another question.

Dec 1, 7:47AM EST0
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