Christian singles dating expert for over two decades. 25,000 marriages! Ask me Anything about online dating and/or religious/faith-based personals.

cafesam
Mar 7, 2018

I've been involved in online dating since the late 90's. Over 25,000 marriages have resulted from our Christian dating website, ChristianCafe.com, that I co-founded and manage to this day. Singles of all ages, backgrounds, faith journeys, and locations worldwide have made successful connections through our service.

Our goal is to continue offering a great dating experience for our members and helping more of them get married! It worked for me: I met a young lady on another site prior to launching ChristianCafe.com. She introduced me to a woman who became our chief marketer. Two years later, we started dating and two years after that, we got married! That was back in late 2003. Five kids (including two sets of twins), and 14 years later, we're more in love than ever!

We also operate JewishCafe.com, for Jewish singles, and BarBrasil.com.br, in Portuguese, for singles in Brazil (my wife is from there, originally).

Sam Moorcroft

President & co-Founder

ChristianCafe.com

All Christian. All Single.

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What is a home project that you have tried that did not go according to plan, and what was the outcome?
Mar 9, 2:45AM EST0
When setting up a dating profile, how much personal information should a person include to ensure both safety and interest?
Mar 8, 7:18AM EST0

We designed ChristianCafe.com to be as anonymous as our members want themselves to be. It's always a good idea to be cautious about what you reveal and to whom.If you don't want to list your city, you don't have to. Don't choose your first name (or first and last name) as your username. Don't put your address on your profile. Or, your IM or FB handle. Or, your home (or cell) number. When writing others, get to know them first! Check them out elsewhere online (e.g. if they tell you their name, Google them). Take. Your. Time. Listen to your gut. Only reveal information about yourself as you feel comfortable doing. In other words, use the same common sense you'd use if you met someone in the "real world".

Mar 8, 1:58PM EST0
Does the amount of people available in the selected area determine the successful a person is of finding matches online?
Mar 8, 2:54AM EST0

That depends. Have many men do you want to end up with? Just one, right?:) And, who says the right one for you is in your selected area? Write and correspond to the ones you find interesting and let the chips fall where they may. And, pray as you're interacting.Of course, I can be a numbers game. When I was single, I put myself out there and wrote to lots of women. Some I found interesting right away and some I wasn't sure about, but I wrote to them all. Sometimes, I'd be drawn more to one I initially wasn't as interested in (especially when going by their looks - it's a guy thing!). I'd get to them them and my interest would grow.Keep in mind that you can be introduced to other people by someone you meet online. That's what happened to me:-)

Mar 8, 1:54PM EST0

Is a successful match based on random chance or is it analysed statistically?

Mar 8, 1:40AM EST0

Good luck trying to analyze love:-) Lots have tried! I don't believe in chance, when it comes to meeting the one that's right for you (or, put better, becomes the right one for you, and you've become the right one for that person).

If you trust God and are prepared to get your feet wet, He'll guide you to the one He has for you, according to His Will. Does this mean you're *guaranteed* to get married? No. No ones knows God's Will for you. But, odds are, if you become the person He needs you to be, and again, are willing to make yourself available, I believe that odds are you'll meet the right person for you.

Mar 8, 1:49PM EST0
If you could choose one thing you would do differently while you were still dating your wife, what would you choose and why?
Mar 7, 10:20PM EST0

I wish I'd met my wife 15 years earlier than I did. It would have been so much easier than going through my 20's and early 30's mostly single. Or, in relationships that we're meant to be. But, perhaps that's what God had in mind (me learning from mistakes and/or painful experiences, thus equipping me to understand the singles we serve on ChristianCafe.com). Or, it was simply me stumbling along, making mistakes. But, to your question, I wouldn't have done anything differently. We took our time. We worked together for two years before dating, and became very good friends, then dated for two more years before getting married. And, had a very short engagement (2 months). "Have a long courtship and a short engagement" my father always said. It made perfect sense!

Mar 8, 1:44PM EST0
Should a person allow their church to assist them in finding someone to marry, and what are your reasons for this?
Mar 7, 8:48PM EST0

I think you should rely on your own wisdom - and that of others you respect and trust. Whether that's a good friend(s) or your family or your pastor or other church members, it's always a good idea to get a second (or third) opinion. We all wear blinders and have blind spots, especially where emotion in involved. So, reach out to those who can give you an unbiased, no-skin-in-the-game opinion. And, take their advice. They're usually right.

Mar 8, 1:39PM EST0
Which platform is better to use, an online dating application or a dating app, and how do they differ?
Mar 7, 8:45PM EST0

Use both, depending on where you are or what you're doing. An app is a stripped-down version of our full site. On the go? Use the app. Have some time? Use the website. We just re-released our iPhone app in Feb 2018. Give it a try! We're revamping the Android app. It should be out this Spring (so says my tech team:-)

Mar 8, 1:37PM EST0
What is the appropriate course of action for dealing with a person that has misrepresented themselves online?
Mar 7, 7:41PM EST0

Tell them (diplomatically). If the behavior continues, stop communicating with them and move on. If you can show them doing this (misrepresenting themselves) onsite, let us know. Where we can't help is something happening offsite. We can only enforce good behavior on our website. We're not omnipresent :)

Mar 8, 1:35PM EST0
What are some of the rules with Christian dating with regard to sexual purity?
Mar 7, 7:23PM EST0

If you want to remain pure (as the Bible defines it), then don't set yourself up for any temptation to be impure. Be civil in your discourse. Don't let conversations stray. Don't consume alcohol, then go online. Or, don't drink when on a date. It lowers your inhibitions. If you're easily aroused, don't be alone together. Have an acountability partner. Pray. Act. Live. Relax. You can do this!

Last edited @ Mar 8, 2:08PM EST.
Mar 8, 1:32PM EST0

What is the avg lifetime value of a subscriber?

Mar 7, 7:12PM EST0

I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

Mar 8, 1:29PM EST0
When setting up an online dating profile, how does one ensure that visitors or interested matches actually read the profile and not just view the pictures?
Mar 7, 6:13PM EST0

If people want to just view photos, they're going to. But, the more serious ones will want to know more. So, make your profile interesting! We have an extensive written section that should be filled out as much as you can, as it lets you express who you are and what's important for you in a mate. The right person will want to find out more about the real "you" :-)

Mar 8, 1:29PM EST0
In your opinion, should a person date someone they are not physically attracted to but are compatible religiously and why?
Mar 7, 10:18AM EST0

I'd say you also have to be compatible in shared values and outlook on life (your worldview), not just religiously. And, have enough interests in common to enjoy spending time together.

Men are (much) more into the physical aspects of someone than women, generally speaking. There are exceptions, but this is the rule. A person can "grow" on you over time, but for me, it was important to find my mate attractive - to me (as the saying goes, one man's dog is another man's fox). What woman wants her husband to not find her attractive sexually?

Some (women) will say this is "sexist" or "shallow". Say what you will, but I disagree. We're wired differently.

For women (from what I read, have been told, etc.), the physical is a lot less important. If a guy is right for her in every other way, she'll learn to love the "complete" him.

Last edited @ Mar 8, 2:05PM EST.
Mar 8, 2:03PM EST0
How will it not adding a picture effect the responses to an online profile?
Mar 7, 6:48AM EST0

As I said below, people want to put a face to a name. When you search, do you skip the ones without photos? Of course you do:) So, put your own up for others to see. And, make sure to SMILE.

Mar 8, 1:27PM EST0
Once a match is made, is it a good idea to research the person on social media and Google before the actual date and why should or shouldn’t one do this?
Mar 7, 1:07AM EST0

People can say anything online. So, I think the more you know about someone before you meet in person, the better. If you find things that make your gut say, "wait a sec" that's not a good sign. Make sure you feel as comfortable as possible about meeting someone in person. As I've said elsewhere, use your common sense, meet in a public place at somewhere casual, and let your friends or family know. And, have fun!

Mar 8, 1:26PM EST0
What could be the reasons for a profile not getting responses and is there a particular way to ensure responses to a dating profile?
Mar 6, 8:14PM EST0

Common reasons to not getting responses are:

1. No photo(s). People want to put a face to a name. When you search, do you skip the ones without photos? Of course you do:) So, put your own up for others to see. And, make sure to SMILE.

2. Profile incomplete (we have an extensive written section that should be filled out as much as you can, as it lets you express who you are and what's important for you in a mate).

3. Being a wallflower. I realise it can be hard for women to initiate a conversation. I get that the ideal for many is for the man to initiate. However, there is no harm in saying "hello and I liked this or that part of your profile. What got you into x or y?" It's the same way you can "coincidentally" be in the same place on several occassions as a guy you're interested in - make yourself available:)

Last edited @ Mar 8, 1:23PM EST.
Mar 8, 1:22PM EST0
How does a person handle a horrible first date after matching and interacting well with the person online?
Mar 6, 5:30PM EST0

Don't have a second one. When you say "after matching and interacting well with the person online", how well did you match and interact, and for how long? In hindsight, did you rush into things? Did you get caught up in the emotion and excitement of it all? Did you suppress your hidden voice that was telling you things were off? It could also be a case of not clicking in person. That happens. You can have the best connection ever online, but the "chemistry" doesn't jive or simply isn't there for you in person.

Last edited @ Mar 6, 6:57PM EST.
Mar 6, 6:14PM EST0
What must a person do if the person they are dating online is still active on their profiles?
Mar 6, 5:02PM EST0

When you say "dating online" do you mean you aren't dating offline with the person? Let's assume you meant dating offline. Have you both agreed there is a potential relationship and you both want to be exclusive? If so, then being still active online makes no sense. Ther person just isn't into you:-( 

Mar 6, 6:16PM EST0
Is online dating safe, if going on dates and talking with complete strangers online how does one make sure they are safe while still being interesting and interested?
Mar 6, 3:35PM EST0

The way to treat online dating is to use the same common sense you'd use if you met a stranger in person. People can forget that just because you're talking online doesn't mean you throw caution to the wind. Make sure you stay as anonymous as possible initially. That means not using any identifying information about you until you have spent a decent amount of time corresponding online. Listen to your "inner voice". Is the person consistent, or are there things about them that don't add up, as time goes on? If so, then move on. If not, then keep getting to know them:-)

Mar 6, 6:20PM EST0
Do you believe in the concepts of “love at first sight” and “soul-mates,” and why?
Mar 6, 12:58PM EST0

I don't believe in "love and first sight". I do believe that you can have an instant attraction to someone. But, that doesn't mean a relationship will work with them. You need shared beliefs, values, interests, etc. in addition to some form of physical attraction for a relationship to work. When I was single, I dated women with whom there was mutual attraction instantly. However, that didn't translate into a relationship, or if we had one, a successful one. I'm not knocking instant attraction. But, to love someone is to know them. You can't know someone instantly.By "soul mates", I'm assuming you mean one person set aside specifically for you. That's how I understand "soul mate". If that's the case, I don't agree (sorry, hate to bust two things in a row!). I believe that there are 1,000's of potentially compatible soul mates for you. Let's look at it this way: if your family raised you somewhere other than you were raised, or you moved to whereever you are now, does that mean that you wouldn't meet and marry someone right for you where you are? Let's say you are in New York. Or, LA. Or, Chicago. Or, Toronto. Or, Sydney. Or London. You get the picture. There'd be no one in any of those areas you could meet and marry, because your soul mate was in Vancouver? So, two people going through life alone? Of course not.What I do believe is that person you meet who is the most aligned with you spiritually, emotionally, physically, outlook on life, values, interests, etc. will *become* your soul mate and vice versa.  I have a soul mate - my wife. So, I do believe in it - just not how I think you meant :) 

Mar 6, 6:43PM EST0
When initially messaging a prospective date, what type of questions should be asked?
Mar 6, 12:36PM EST0

You know what I did, to stand out from everyone else? I'd scroll through their profile and ask them something about themselves they had mentioned, whatever it was. I wouldn't open with something generic like, "Hi" or "You're cute" or "How's it going." Everyone else does that. Be original!People want others to be interested in them. So, I'd do that. And, met (and dated) a number of really nice people.

Last edited @ Mar 6, 6:46PM EST.
Mar 6, 6:45PM EST0
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