Ask Me Anything about Love: Analogue vs Digital, the neuroscience of love, deal breakers or how modern matchmaking works.

Shar Fuller
Jun 9, 2018

Five years into the onslaught of Dating Apps and that smile has truly been “swiped” off our faces…and this has probably happened on more than one occasion. We were excited, happy, young and of course naive…but did we really think dating apps would change the way we meet people forever?

#GetOnline2GetOffline - We’ve developed a platform called Mai Tai Dating which connects busy professionals with their soulmates. It’s unconventional because our members select deal breakers instead of dealmakers. 

People like us because we create more opportunities for love, laughter, and friendship by using our 6-dimension matchmaking methodology.

Find out how my scientific background & interest in tech-enabled me to create a modern matchmaking method that works!

If you're interested in the neuroscience of love and what impact dating in the digital world has on analog love give me a shout! Ask me anything about eating right for your date night, deal breakers or unrealistic partner expectations.

For more info check out:

https://www.maitaigroup.com

https://www.facebook.com/maitaidating

https://twitter.com/maitaidating

Shar.events2.jpg

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How do you make sure that the people who sign up on Mai Tai are there for the right reasons which is to find their soulmates?
Jun 11, 7:09AM EDT0

Hi Natalia,

I do this by asking them specific questions during the consultation and I think that the combination of the thorough sign-up process along with the premium pricing is enough to put people off if they are just looking for a hook-up!

If someone slipped through the net the person that they are matched with would just let us know when they give feedback.

Thanks

Shar

Jun 14, 5:32PM EDT0
What is the etiquette of telling someone that they don't have the kind of chemistry needed to start a relationship?
Jun 10, 11:56PM EDT0

Hiya,

Most people are used to hearing that there wasn't a spark or that there wasn't any chemistry so I think you could just come right out and say just that. 

It's not something that can be taken personally because the right chemistry is not something that you can control.

All the best

Shar

Jun 14, 5:39PM EDT0
Has there ever been a client that you've refused to work with? What was the reason?
Jun 10, 11:24PM EDT0

Hi Kamaa,

Yes, there has. Although they weren't told explicitly. One member didn't fully understand the age range of our members and insisted on me changing the business model to accommodate his needs. In a later discussion, he said that he wasn't looking for a serious relationship and so I stopped looking for his perfect match!

Thanks 

Shar

Jun 14, 5:47PM EDT0
When do you think is the right time in a relationship to talk about past partners? Are some things better left unsaid?
Jun 10, 11:33AM EDT0

Hi Maria,

If the person you are dating is confident and secure they probably won't ask about your past dating patterns.

If you are keen to find out a little background information about your partner you should wait for it to come up in conversation e.g. "have you been to this restaurant before"?  or "how long was your last relationship"? This works well because it means that you are getting to know them gradually and not trying to get a relationship CV in an hour.

When it comes to someone having toxic past relationships you just need to be sensitive to their needs and ask yourself if knowing every little detail about what happened is going to help you to connect with that person at a deeper level.

There is not right time I'm afraid. Everyone is different. 

I hope this helps I'm not sure if I answered your questions properly...

Shar

Jun 14, 5:54PM EDT0
If falling in love is about biology and brain chemistry. What is falling out of love all about? Is there a scientific reason behind it?
Jun 10, 4:48AM EDT0

Hi Angie,

I had to really think about this question before posting an answer...

So the honeymoon period for a relationship lasts for about a year and then things decline/normalise in the second or third year. This still relates to brain chemistry because if the level of cortisol rises and it can flood out the feel-good hormones such as beta-endorphins.

More brain chemistry - If the relationship is going to last trust and intimacy must be established. The hormones that help out with this are oxytocin and vasopressin. This also means that the scientific basis behind why you fell for the person can't underpin a long-term relationship.

When couples fall out of love it is because they are missing the most important part of the relationship - commitment. The longevity of a relationship relies on the not so sexy qualities like loyalty, kindness and friendship.

Thanks for asking

Shar

Falling out of love woul

Jun 14, 6:19PM EDT0
As an expert, what is the biggest tip you have when it comes to dating?
Jun 9, 12:32PM EDT0

It’s all about the mindset! If someone can love and accept you as you are you should be open to feeling the same way about others.

My biggest tip would be to lower your expectations before each date so that they are always enjoyable. When someone prepares for meeting the one it just makes the situation high pressure and not so much fun. Enjoy dating until you meet that special someone...

If you have a good understanding of what compatibility is in terms of core values and love languages (or how your potential partner expresses their love) that also helps. 

Jun 9, 12:47PM EDT0
Where does your app Mai Tai currently operate?
Jun 9, 7:03AM EDT0

Hi John,

We are based in London.

Cheers

Shar

Jun 9, 8:04AM EDT0
Why do you recommend people to use and join Mai Tai? What will be the benefits?
Jun 9, 3:01AM EDT0

Hi Marija,

The main benefits of the matchmaking service are:

  • Saving time - your Matchmakers does all of the hard work behind the scenes to find your perfect match and they even book a fab restaurant so the only ask from the member is that they turn up for the date.
  • Top restaurant meals - foodies can enjoy meeting someone new in addition to enjoying great cuisine. 
  • Exclusive events - members get a chance to choose for themselves at our exclusive events where every attendee has to register to get a ticket

Why would I recommend anyone to Mai Tai? We offer a bespoke matchmaking service with a real person who cares about you finding a long-term partner.  The service is personalised so I think busy professionals who are keen to meet like-minded singles with the same aspirations would appreciate our service.

Thanks for giving me a chance to practice with my sales puff :0>

Shar

Jun 9, 8:25AM EDT0
What services do you offer through Mai Tai?
Jun 9, 2:57AM EDT0

Hi Mabhierox,

We provide services that allow people to face-to-face connections.

We offer two things - a matchmaking service for smart professionals; and a networking club for innovators, influencers and leaders.

Thanks

Shar

Last edited @ Jun 9, 8:26AM EDT.
Jun 9, 6:16AM EDT0
With the rise in dating apps such as Tinder and Bumble. What sets your business apart from other dating apps and services?
Jun 8, 2:37PM EDT0

Hi Chunky,

We are different to dating apps and websites because we are offering a matchmaking service instead.

Even though we have the online platform for people for people to find us and sign up we are providing an #offlinedating service.

We are the first company to offer a fresh alternative to online dating by using matchmaking behind the scenes and then providing more opportunities for love, laughter and friendships by connecting singles at top restaurants. 

Thanks

Shar

Jun 9, 6:13AM EDT0
How much does the membership cost?
Jun 8, 1:50AM EDT0

Hi Alex,

The membership is £1,824 for 6 months www.maitaigroup.com/faqs but we have started by asking members to pay a fee for matchmaking in addition to the meal just before they go on a dinner date.

Jun 9, 6:07AM EDT0
Do you think the dating world today is quite different from when you first started your business? If so, how did you adjust your business to match today’s “trends” of dating?
Jun 7, 8:30PM EDT0

Hi Barbara,

My sister has been a Matchmaker for years but the official website went live in October 2017 so I can't comment on the change since we started because we are still pretty new.

Current trends in dating industry and our USP's to match them are noted below:

  1. Men get a NO or low response rate - a matchmaking service is provided instead of an online platform where members interact.
  2. Online dating warps expectations and lowers the chance of a successful relationship - we provide an offline dating service.
  3. Profiles are relied on too heavily and they don't give any indication about the potential for a romantic spark - We don't have online profiles and when a match is made the information about the date is given over the phone.
  4. Online shopping mentality - we set up dates so that members can make connections in real life. This stops from singles from being over critical which happens when the shopping-midset is used for dating. It also makes the process more fun.
  5. Too much online chat can skew expectations - we only provide an IM service for 24 hrs after the date.
  6. Online safety concerns - we are registered with the ICO and adhere to their guidelines with regards to data protection. We also use all of the right technical code necessary to secure data. 
  7. Online abuse and scams - we verify each member that joins the site. We have also installed a profanity filter for the IM and a report member button.

Most dating sites just provide a means for allowing people to make a connection online and/or they don't offer a service to the members once they have found their match so we have tried our best to put a package together.

  • Relationship advice
  • Dating coaching or advice
  • Dating events
  • Networking events for everyone

Thanks

Shar

Jun 9, 8:03AM EDT0

What excites you the most about the future of modern matchmaking?

Jun 7, 3:48PM EDT0

Hiya Anna,

I love the U-turn that people are making back to more traditional ways of meeting each other. What excites me most is the combination of modern tech with the many different ways that you could have a consultation with your member to get to know them better. Matchmaking has always been around but now that we can attract such large numbers of people on the internet and this means that our potential for helping people find love multiplies.

Jun 7, 7:32PM EDT0
When you’re conducting interviews with people, what are the questions you like to ask to really get to know someone?
Jun 7, 12:06PM EDT0

Hi Sally,

When we catch-up with our members we have a conversation and we ask questions about some of the following: their personality, their friendship groups, what they are looking for in a romantic relationship, their selection of deal breakers and their previous relationships.

Here is an example of the sort of question that I would ask 'can you tell me about the most recent relationship including how long you were together and why things didn't work out'?

Thanks for asking

Shar

Jun 7, 7:38PM EDT0

What are some of the most frequent mistakes men and women make when dating?

Jun 7, 11:34AM EDT0

Hi Maricel,

The most frequent mistake for both sexes is when we try to ignore the fact that we are very different and/or we have an ideal man/woman in our heads when we meet someone for the first time.

Top 3 mistakes for men:

- Not asking the right questions during the first date (instead of getting to know more about their date e.g. personality, passions, aspirations they get a career history).

- Not making an effort to wear something impressive/presentable when dating.

- Not calling the person if they are interested (texting is great because it is convenient but women need to hear your voice to fall for you).

Top 3 mistakes for women:

- Having unrealistic expectations (I know that you have achieved your wildest dreams in terms of your career goals and there is someone for everyone but just remember in the same way that you have flaws so does Mr. Right).

- Not showing her vulnerabilities (dating is a combination of the heart and the mind so don't leave the heart out. Feelings such as empathy, vulnerability and compassion).

- Not giving her date a chance (a second date is a great way to really get to know someone). 

Jun 9, 6:04AM EDT0
When did you discover your interest in neuroscience, or science, in general?
Jun 7, 5:57AM EDT0

Hi Ria,

I always had a passion for science from a young age.

From creating mini-experiments using any chemical I could get my hands on in the kitchen to playing with little animals in the garden.

After studying Biological Sciences at degree level I have always made sure that I could keep my interests going so I teach Biology and STEM in addition to continually updating my subject knowledge in Biology.

The neuroscience is something that I have been asked about more and more so I do lots of research in this area which I find beneficial for the business.

Jun 9, 5:43AM EDT0
Five years from now, what will we all be talking about when it comes to neuroscience?
Jun 7, 4:37AM EDT0

I think this field of science is fascinating and as more and more research is done we will continue to talk about brain chemistry and the impact of different genetic variations on the physically expressed characteristics (phenotype), hormone regulation and neuroplasticity - the brains' ability to re-wire itself!

Jun 9, 5:40AM EDT0

What was the biggest hurdle you faced when creating your matchmaking platform?

Jun 7, 4:34AM EDT0

Hi Meriton,

The biggest hurdle was finding the right programmers to get the website developed.

I do believe in the #FailFaster concept but it's tough when you don't have enough funds to keep making costly mistakes.

My first mistake was paying a company to write the technical specification directly instead of sticking to the freelancers' platform where I found them because when he didn't deliver there wasn't a middleman to help out.

My second massive fail happened when I tried to outsource everything offshore to India to get the website built for half the price I was quoted here. After a year of being in the position where they still couldn't match the designs the arguments about the functionalities I asked for regardless of whether that exact plugin was available on Wordpress or not kept going back and forth I decided to leave with nothing. I realised that I needed a credible individual to develop the complex functionalities for the website such as the psychometric quiz to determine each users personality profile and the CMS needed for the matchmaking which relied on a counter-match algorithm (shown in Excel below). 

Cheers

Shar

Jun 9, 5:30AM EDT0
How did you get started on your path to becoming an entrepreneur and creating Mai Tai?
Jun 6, 9:33PM EDT0

Hi Sue,

I started with the idea to solve all of the problems that online dating bring and then I did lots of research and then I wrote a plan.

I have always been entrepreneurial so I've already been on lots of courses for different areas of business.

The biggest step I took to make it all a reality was sitting down with my Technical Advisor and sketching out wireframes for the website and noting down all of the functionalities that I had in mind for the website.

After working out much money I needed to make a start I hired the right team to get everything developed.

Thanks for asking

Shar

Jun 9, 5:10AM EDT0
What are the benefits of applying neuroscience in modern matchmaking?
Jun 6, 5:34PM EDT0

Heya Shell,

We don't apply neuroscience to matchmaking. I am one of the Matchmakers for Mai Tai and I follow our 6-dimensions model.

We set people up for dinner dates so that they can meet in real life right away instead of getting them to connect online. This way it is easy for them to find out if there is any chemistry. The basic things like smell, body language, looks and personality can be checked out there and then.

I love doing lectures and talks so I run talks about the neuroscience of love for anyone who is interested.

Best regards

Shar

Jun 9, 5:05AM EDT0
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