Ask me anything about how I became the go-to-guy for smart, strong, successful women who want to find love - and I'll give you an honest answer with none of that dating guru bullshit. #AMA #DatingAMA #LoveAMA

Evan Marc Katz
Feb 21, 2018

Are you a great catch who is struggling to find lasting love? Are you tired of dating, online dating, and apps? Do you sometimes wonder if there's something wrong with you, or, maybe with the entire opposite sex?

Yeah, dating can be confusing and frustrating. But there's always hope. That's how I became a dating coach with a blog readership that reached 10 MILLION people in 2016.

As far as the Ask Me Anything part of AMAFeed: I'm a Leo. I'm a New York sports fan. I'm a Duke graduate. I was in Project Greenlight with Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. I read incessantly - New York Times, ESPN, whatever comes up on my phone - and love a good juicy conversation with smart people who can teach me something. I'm hell-bent on improving - becoming a better husband, father, businessman, person, and citizen. I'm more happily married than any guy I know and am living my dream of being a father to two incredible kids.

Want to know more? Ask me anything!

And if you want to discover how chemistry has led you into the wrong relationships and how to make smarter choices in men?

Click here to watch a free video that will forever empower you with dating, relationships and men.

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When a mutual agreement of friendship but he wants more with out the title. We agreed later we would date after collegeis done. Im having feelings as friendship grows. How do i get him to change title to dating boy/girl friend. 

Feb 26, 8:58AM EST1
What do you think about "settling"? How do you know whether you are settling for someone?
Feb 26, 7:22AM EST0

You described your wife as a "Type O" wife, she would do well in a relationship with any man, what qualities or characteristics makes her like that?

Feb 25, 10:02PM EST0

Oh my goodness. I am all thumbs. So sorry about the mis spells. There was a box on my screen and I couldn't  see  what was typed:(

Feb 25, 2:53PM EST0

Hi Evan,  thank you for answering this question. My ex boyfriend said he didnt like controlling women, and then he said he didn't want to be in charge of plans, that it was my job. Then I would suggest a restaurant, concert etc. and he would change the plan.  It was hurtful and frustrating. He also said I needed to be more selfish and woud push my buttons trying to get me angry so I woukd stand up for myself. Then if I did sand up for myself he would turn it around on me and say I took it wrong. For instance he would remark how pretty or beautiful a youmg woman in the room is and then say, "but you are the most beautiful wman." Finally I just told him to get lost after breakfast at a diner in which he made sure I understood the waitress was beautiful and a girl, but I was a woman. Why? What does it matter? I asked him several times over many months together to please not do that. 

   Are some men just clueless? He has never been married, and is 52.

Feb 25, 2:51PM EST0
How important is your self-perception when you are looking for a partner? How do you make sure that you are not under-estimating yourself, or perhaps even over-estimating?
Feb 25, 12:18PM EST0

Hormones and how much apologising/explaining/talking should I engage in with my boyfriend when I've been in the wrong?  I don't want him to feel like he has to walk on eggshells or transfer the responsibility of my moods to him but is forewarning of my PMS days just practical?

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, after the honeymoon phase wore off, we did experience some difficulties. Some were "normal", i.e. navigating expectations and communication (your blog was a God send!) but I had some tough baggage to work through.  We had some tough things to figure out as a couple and occasionally we both or jointly handled things badly. He has acknowledged that his communication skills needed (and have subsequently) improved but I am ashamed to admit I was really difficult to deal with at times. I was uncharacteristically anxious, struggled (and often failed) to keep a lid on it. There was a lot of drama and despite my protests that I was not "one of those kind of girls", that’s exactly how I sometimes behaved. I would always apologise afterwards but struggled to understand how I could behave so irrationally, during those months I wasn't me. The end of the honey moon phase had coincided with me starting the contraceptive pill. I am not using it as an easy excuse for bad behaviour but there is no doubt that the pill exacerbated and magnified issues.  My doctor has realised that my body is particularly intolerant to the pill (likely because of previous illness) I experienced other side effects also and I was deemed too high risk because of migraines. It took a while to connect the dots but I have been off it for a couple of months now, and there has been a massive decrease in my anxiety. Our relationship is now mostly very happy, conflict free and we understand each other and communicate well if anything does arise (baggage has been resolved also). He has got back the (reasonable/stable) girl that he fell in love with and I'm now able be a great girlfriend to the man I fell in love with and fully appreciate him (even more so, given how patient he has been).

The problem? I am still experiencing some hormonal imbalances. By and large I am a million times better compared to my pill days but there are a couple of flashpoints in my cycle which are like clockwork The feminist in me wants to resist the idea that I am a slave to my hormones, however, the evidence speaks for itself and I have been a walking hormonal stereotype who seemed to have a personality (brain and logic) transplant. PMS yesterday and I was being clingy. After a particularly stressful work week for him, my boyfriend stated that I was being demanding. I burst into tears (I actually sobbed!). He acknowledged that he was being cranky and a little insensitive but it was true. Mainly though, my response to his statement was disproportional. I was able to recognise and acknowledge this at the time but still the tears flowed. I am actively trying to rebalance my natural hormones and I'm taking good medical advice. This is the first time my boyfriend has had to deal with this since I stopped the pill. He has done his own research and understands to a point what's happening. It's made the tough days easier to understand in hindsight and relieved the relationship concerns he had as a result. Having never really suffered from PMS/hormonal moodiness etc. (even as a teenager), I was quite ignorant and it's all new to me. Truthfully I always thought some girls were exaggerating and just needed to get a grip. I keep learning things about why it might have affected me so dramatically, how to fix it and other light bulb moments.  Despite not wanting to dwell on those days, I find myself talking about it with my boyfriend. I suppose I am still embarrassed and feel the need to reassure my boyfriend that that the drama is over (so I'm upset about last night's meltdown) but I am also the type of person that really wants to understand everything. I want to move on together, be happy and drama free and while the last month or two have been generally blissful, my hormones still need some healing. How much explaining is necessary, when do I know I’m talking it to death? I don't want to keep poking an old wound but knowledge is power. I don't want him to feel like he has to walk on eggshells or transfer the responsibility of my moods to him, but is forewarning of my PMS days just practical?  Should I stop taking about it before it dulls our sparkle? There has been a vast improvement and I am assured that this is just a temporary issue but he's already had a lot to put up with.

 

Feb 24, 3:53PM EST0
How do you approach fear of commitment in yourself? How about in your partner?
Feb 24, 2:46PM EST0

What's your Meyers-Brigg personality type? My guess is ENTP or ENFJ!

Last edited @ Feb 23, 12:11AM EST.
Feb 23, 12:10AM EST0

It's been a long time since I took the test, but either one sounds about right. 

Feb 23, 12:47PM EST0

1)  What do you think about a boyfriend texting girls as friends?  Let's say you went out with your guy friends and girl started talking with you just to be friendly.  She asks for your Facebook info and you exchanges hellos via text.  Your wife is pretty cool.. So do you think she would be ok with that (you texting developing a friendship with a new girl) and do you think that is acceptable behavior in a relationship?  Personally I don't trust other women and feel like it could start as friends but lead to something else..  What do you think about a boyfriend texting girls as friends?  Let's say you went out with your guy friends and girl started talking with you just to be friendly.  She asks for your Facebook info and you exchanges hellos via text.  Your wife is pretty cool.. So do you think she would be ok with that (you texting developing a friendship with a new girl) and do you think that is acceptable behavior in a relationship?  Personally I don't trust other women and feel like it could start as friends but lead to something else..

2)  Can I pay you on an hourly basis to get relationship advice? The coaching that I see that you offer clients are those who are single.  You offer very good relationship advice and it would be great to speak to you.   I know  you would have a high hourly rate but it would be worth it to get some relationship advice.  This has been the only chance that I have had to ask direct a and a with you.  Thank you!

Feb 21, 10:08PM EST0

I'm a flirt, I'm secure, and I'm trusting and I expect my cool wife to be the same way... and yet, I can't see any reason to get the # of a new friend of the opposite sex (unless it's business related). As a dating coach, my wife knows women will talk to me and Facebook me and that's not a problem at all because it's professional. But if your boyfriend is getting other women's contact info? Not cool, even if you trust him. 

2. I don't offer hourly coaching options - only live events and six-month engagements that are pretty pricey. But if you want my advice and aren't in a position to invest thousands of dollars, please, check out Love U. It's all the stuff I'd say to you on the phone, just organized and curated so you can watch for 5 minutes a day and learn everything you need. I do hope it makes a difference for you. Thanks for your kind words.

Feb 22, 1:13AM EST0

So my boyfriend watches porn probably  5 or 6 days a week.  I think it will be like for 15-20 mins a day usually in the morning or evening when I'm not around.    When we have sex it's usually like once a week even though I would like it to be more often. Sometimes he watches it after we have sex when I take a shower. I discovered this by looking at his browser history. I feel like he shouldn't be watching that mucb as it diverting his sexual energy from me. I try to into are more but he says it's tiring. Also he thinks sex is just like in porn and is all about guy so he doesn't really have any technique and isn't that intersted in getting better since he thinks porn style sex it is normal.   So do you think that is normal for a guy?  Should I ask him to stop watching porn or I am overreacting? 

Feb 21, 9:44PM EST0

Yeah, that's not healthy. He either needs help or you need to find a boyfriend without a porn addiction.

Feb 22, 1:08AM EST0

Do you believe in star signs having an affect on relationships?

Feb 21, 7:53PM EST0

I do not, but then, I don't believe in anything. 

My close friend Carol Allen is a Vedic astrologer who is THE expert on this subject so if that's your thing, I'd certainly turn to her.

Finally, I've been told I'm a typical Leo and can't really argue with that. :)

Feb 21, 8:11PM EST0

What are your thoughts about Soulmates? Do you believe they exist?

Feb 21, 5:15PM EST0

I'd probably have to believe in souls to believe in soulmates. :)

Feb 21, 5:51PM EST0

👍🏻😊

Feb 21, 6:13PM EST0

Two questions I've always wondered about you:

1) Are you a multi-millionaire from your online business?

2) You stated that your wife is Christian and your an Atheist Jew. I totally respect both of your beliefs. I'm curious how your wife was able to comprise with you on religion. Most Christians believe if you don't believe in Jesus that you won't go to heaven. So they really want their spouse to be a believer so they can be in heaven together.  Also they would want their children raised in this faith for the same reason. So does your wife just not worry about this for you or does she not believe in the heaven/hell concept in her religious beliefs. Once again not judgement- just wanted to see how you came to a comprise on what is usually a core issues of why a lot of Christian/Atheist couples don't get together.

Feb 21, 3:55PM EST0

1. Not multi. 

2. My wife went to 16 years of Catholic school, but, like many Catholics, formed her own beliefs as opposed to taking a strictly dogmatic, Bible-based approach. To the best of my understanding, she believes in the Virgin birth and resurrection, etc, but isn't as consumed with whether it's the word of God. What she does believe in is a concept of a higher power, and that's the thing she wanted to impart to our children.

So I had to "give up" atheism for my children and she had to "give up" Catholicism and we have two Jewish kids who believe in God. 

If my wife were more religious (she prays but doesn't attend church) and insisted I believe what she believe, we wouldn't be together.

If I were more religious (and insisted my wife convert to Judaism to please me), we wouldn't be together.

That's why I believe in the live and let live/agree to disagree approaches to life, where your marriage is based on how you treat people on earth in this life, as opposed to agreement about what is inherently unknown (how we got here and where we go when we die.)

I'm nothing if not practical. 

Our method will not work for religious people who INSIST on their partner being in lockstep, but, to me, it's hard enough to find a great spouse - much less one who believes EXACTLY what I believe. For people like us, compromising on religion is a small loss followed by a BIG win.

Feb 21, 5:11PM EST0

Is so amazing Evan the way you two approached it! I once had a platonic kind of rel. with a jewish guy, and although we were on the same page about so many things in life, education, vision, goals, careers, Him being Jewish and telling me " I must convert if I want this to continue and is a long process" completely turned me off! I respect you for respecting other people!!! Is a huge huge concept that maybe I didn't understand in my 20's ( when I met that jewish lawyer)  surely felt terrible at the time, but I surely OWN it and look at the peopel with different eyes, now, in my 30's!

Feb 24, 7:31PM EST0

Do you think that someone has to marry their best friend?  I met a guy he treats me really well and we are in love. He's from another country so English is his second language.  We get along with each other and like doing things together- the only problem is that I wouldn't ever consider him a best friend, I don't think he could consider me one either.  We love each other but I can't necessarily talk him in detail l about things like issues at work, a disagreement with my Mom, etc. like I can with my girlfriends. I can talk to him and he tries to help were he can but he'll never have that deep level of conversation and advice given that I do with my best girlfriends. I've met maybe  like two guys  that I could have that best friends type relationship but the timing wasn't right.  You keep on talking how you should marry my best friend- should I dump my boyfriend to search for a relationship where we do have this quality? I love him but if we weren't bf/gf- I wouldn't be hanging out with him like a friend and I don't ever envision us being best friends. He treats me very well and is a wonderful boyfriend. However, your advice of late me feel like I would be making mistaking by choosing to marry a guy who isn't my best friend. What are your thoughts?

Feb 21, 3:41PM EST0

I don't think someone HAS to marry her best friend. I do know that people who marry the person they consider their best friend have MUCH happier marriages. As to whether that's enough to start you on a new search for love? The way I see it, life is a REALLY long time and there are a LOT of guys out there. Don't treat any one as if he's the last guy on earth.

Feb 21, 3:52PM EST0

My boyfriend and I have been together for nine months. I'm an overweight woman at a Size 16.  We became a couple after three months. I thought I finally found a guy who was attracted to me and accepted me for me.  Four months into the relationship after drinking he admitted to me one night that he usually dated much thinner girls and that I was larger than his ideal.  He stated he actually delayed getting into a relationship with me because of my weight- but then he fell in love with me.  He stated he is attracted to me but would be even more attracted to me if  lost weight. I told him I would try on losing weight but I wasn't able to succeed.  Anyway, things came to a head and he wasn't happy with me not losing weight. I told him I was fine with breaking-up because I need someone to accept me for who I was.  He apologized and stated even though if I didn't lose weight- he would accept me for me no matter what since he loves me and wants to be with me.Even though he hasn't said anything since about my weight- I know it is still an issue for him.  He's not as generous and passionate as he should be in bed  and he said in the past it's because he's put off somewhat with my weight.  The thing is I know that he does love me even thought I'm not his body type. He's kind, affectionate and very loving to me but I know he doesn't think I'm a "catch".  He thinks no one is attracted to overweight women so I think he's not too concerned of doing activities to try to keep/please me. We are looking at getting married- but I'm having a hard time thinking about doing it because I don't think that he thinks I'm a catch. I always pictured marrying someone who thought I was beautiful and was attracted to me and loved my body. So there's a disconnect there. I think he thinks he's the catch since he's five years younger and in shape.  I live in LA and at 39 years so finding someone who will accept me at my weight and age to get married and have kids will be difficult.  Do you think I should marry a person who treats me well, loves me, is kind and wants to marry me but who admits he's not super attracted and is so-so in bed as a result? 

Feb 21, 3:25PM EST0

There's a lot there, Kismet so I want to tread particularly lightly. 

You may not like what he's saying but he's being honest with you. 

And, in general, I think it's safe to assume that people don't change.

You will probably always battle your weight (if you choose to).

He will always be more attracted to thinner women (despite the fact that he loves you).

I agree that it will be hard to find another guy who accepts you and wants kids at 39...but that's not a reason to stay in a relationship where you don't feel accepted. 

I think this is just about the hardest dilemma I've ever heard because there are no great options. Leaving to start over when you have a marriage oriented boyfriend is scary. Staying with a man who doesn't think you're attractive and acts accordingly is probably worse - because you're locked in for life, and few of us get MORE attractive as we age.

I would think twice about a marriage with someone who has already told you he has major problems with you. "Believe the negatives, ignore the positives." Sorry I couldn't be more sunny. Best of luck making the right choice for you.

Feb 21, 3:51PM EST0

How did you get so much traction for your AMA? What did you do to attract so many users? Kudos!

Feb 21, 3:01PM EST0

I sent one email to my list and answered every question as best I could. 

Feb 21, 3:45PM EST0

Hey Evan, nice to see you here on #DatingAMA Feed. We always value your insights and input as we are very much in alignment with your philosophies. 

Feb 21, 2:20PM EST0

The pleasure is all mine!

Feb 21, 2:44PM EST0

 what can you do when your online conversations with some of these people most of these guys at least in Florida look more like this

Hi

Hi

How are you

Ok

So what so you do for fun

Fish

They just give one word answers no matter how much I try and engage the conversation ask questions they just respond with no follow up or real conversing. 

Feb 21, 1:17PM EST0

Watch this.

Get this.

Sure, guys may suck, but if you take control of being a better conversationalist, you'll have better conversations. Promise.

Feb 21, 2:11PM EST0

What will be your typical day look like? Do you still enjoy dating yourself?

Feb 21, 1:15PM EST0

Wake the kids at 6:40am

Work out from 7:30-8:30am

Work from 9-5 or 5:30pm

Play with kids from 5:30-6:30

Bathe and feed kids from 6:30-7:30

Read to kids from 7:30-8pm

Dinner with wife at TV and 1-2 hrs of TV from 8-10pm

Write in my Journal and read a book from 10-11 or 11:30pm.

As you can imagine with my rigid schedule, I don't have much time for dating. ;)

Feb 21, 2:14PM EST1
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